The formidable journey
The haze was engulfing the city, and clouding my soul. The sensation of unbearable pain seeping through the ribs was gradually intensifying. A cocktail of emotional outbursts was ripping my mind, unleashing the trauma of psychosis. As if it was not enough for the nicotine and THC to account for the immense delusions, the brain began isolating itself from the reality, inching its way towards a nervous breakdown.
The blow of separation from family, the loneliness and the drugs were throbbing the chemical imbalance, desolating the intellect; depression and anxiety braced up to infiltrate the unguarded consciousness. Music couldn’t help alleviate the stress, food felt dispensable, agony and misery flooding the veins, the heart began convulsing every passing moment.
Work was mundane, movies disappointing, there was nothing to embalm the wailing soul, onset of hysteria began the marking of degeneration. I could taste the blood, spilling out from hauling lungs, tarnished by bipolar psyche, I was on the verge of meltdown.
I have lived alone, for a long time, long ago, I have had heart breaks and emotional breakdowns, but every experience brought peace as the time healed the wounds. Solitude and solace were intriguing, kept an excitement in the journey, but now they’ve turned sides, standing and mocking in my face. The astonishment of peculiar life, mystic universe and the philosophical conditioning failed to bring about any change.
Lust and love, anguish and trauma, it seemed like they never existed, were never a part of my journey. Felt like I was drifting in the melancholy of space and time, no stars to praise, no galaxies to look up to, lost, alone, in vain. The darkness could not show me light, liquor drained the zeal to move on.
Everyone is on a journey and no matter what, we all are ending it being dead. Life is a journey, and so is death. The only difference is the physical boundaries which entraps our mind to perceive a world, a life, a journey beyond our materialistic world. This seems assurance for us to not be scared of death, and be prepared to embrace it whenever it arrives.
We spend our life seeking approval from others for what we are doing, seldom venture out on a solo journey, living every moment, pretending to celebrate the milestones, subduing the eventual event, the death. Everybody speaks of life, living in present, accepting the end, but is that actually an end? Or is that just an end of reality, of the physical body that we have dragged on for years, without considering and bothering about the numerous possibilities that exist beyond our existence.
Its like someone is sitting over your chest, trying to strangulate you, like a python, squeezing out the air every time you breathe. Your mind is drawing all the shutters down, enticing pathological indecisiveness, making you ponder on every thought, you start hallucinating without any external influence. The mind begins to withdraw from all the possibilities of survival, the epitome of self-annihilation, you begin to curl up in a corner, imitating the folds in your brain.
We are forsaken by the cult of belief and faith, trampling down our rationale, making us follow the road to nowhere, misguiding us our entire life, sowing orthodox commitments for leading a better life. We grow up in a society shadowed by theories and laws, religions and science, thawing our natural thoughts. Those who break out to seek the meaning, are looked upon by the ‘wise’ as fools who are lost in their journey. But, these fools have realised the pitiful mind which has made us all have set our sails, to embark a tormenting journey into nothingness.
Society is clouded by thoughts and opinions of certain intellectuals who perished hundreds and thousands of years ago. We have lost focus on the context, which was needed and led to creation of such ideologies. Time changes everything, but somehow, the belief and faith seems to still hold the roots deep within our subconscious.
Science, on the other hand is shoving technology in our faces, depriving our mind of the efforts that helped us evolve. We seek comfort to an extent that we are creating voice assistants, BCI, gaze control and what not, so that we can extend our control in the physical world without even flinching a muscle, literally. Our brains are deteriorating with every click and tap we make in digital world, nothing is being left aside to ‘lessen’ the cognitive load.
This formidable journey of humans is orchestrated by technology, and no wonder soon enough it will outcast the humanity in all physical aspects. That makes the metaphysical and paraphysical realms undeniable the final frontier of our journey.
Life, Evolution, Universe, such a common terms, but still they are like myths, having no certain roots of origin but being defined on theories and assumptions, thoughts and experiments. We are clueless about everything, running amok after money, frenzied about want of more and more. The immense desire to get the hands on life’s contraband, discarding the fact that will it make sense after all the years have gone by in getting hold of the carrot.
I could sense the heart gradually skipping the beats, lungs giving away hope, muddled in tar, liver bewildered by chemicals pouring in every possible state, chills running hitherto in the spine, a faint whizzing from the cotton mouth lips, dilated pupils gazing self in the mirror, overwhelmed with sorrow, I transcended in the darkness, embracing the end.
